books and life

hellaw fellas. i spent time reading and studying lately which is kinda lame. old thoughts hunt me too.. right now i'm writing this post at starbucks in the middle of the highway. it's hard to decide the faculty i'm going to get in for the rest of my life. it's not like that. i know my self pretty well, that well. that i don't understand the most part of myself is. i don't know where it exactly is.

people often told me i'm a melancholy. in fact, i'm not melancholy. i'm a realist. which makes me think that every little thing is possible. of course. i over think as a human. cool random things do FLY in my mind every second miserably. these are messing my life. that's why i really wanna dive into english. english is where i found myself. i found my brand new self.

i have this dream..that i'll move out from jakarta, even indonesia. just to start my brand new world. i know that there's no such thing as a new memory. unless you toss your head to the wall, of course. but that's my thing. i'm going out to somewhere peaceful like vancouver or maybe switzerland.. with someone i really love in the future. we'll start things like we're just born that time. new friends, new place, new language, everything new.

talking about someone i really love.. even until now i haven't figured out what love could really mean to us. people. i mean, i love best people around me. but i just kinda... haven't found the 'thing' yet.

you know isabella marie swan? that character in the twilight saga series? yes, that's me in a book. i'm in love with the character inside bella swan. you could love someone, you could die. loving is dying. dying a little inside that you are GIVING a part of yourself to the person you may know after you grow up.

wanna know what i'm waiting until now? my faith.
yes. faith. i know that something is waiting for me in the future....to happen. just to happen for me and my best moment somewhere. much interested of the way of the death. where i'll die later. when. why. and the most important one. who. who'll be there beside me holding my breath. to look me in the eyes and say that im going to be alright. or even who'll be there holding my hand, and lose his last breath as i lose mine...too.
i wonder.